A running commentary by a former Anglican priest who was baptized Catholic,

kidnapped from the Church in his youth,

and found his way back through the blessings of Anglican spirituality.

Sunday, May 22, 2011

When Pigs Fly!

Now that another errant prediction of the rapture has come and gone, I thought I would add some helpful commentary on the subject. No, I am not going through a verse by verse exposition of the errors of fundamentalist "rapture fever" thinking; that has been done elsewhere. Instead I want to show you just how ridiculous the interpretive methodology is that leads to these "end of the world" predictions. These self-proclaimed preachers (like Harold Camping) are following the rules of "private interpretation" to its bitter end. Below is an example (thoroughly sarcastic and tongue in cheek) of where this can lead you. Please, no one take this seriously.

In the Bible we are told that there will be a “sign” in the sky that will foretell the coming of Jesus in the rapture (see Matt 24:30). What sign could be in the sky, or heavens? Few have thought that it might be something that was flying in the heavens that is not normally there, but the Bible tells us that this is so. Just a few verses before the reference to this sign we are also told that “eagles” will gather for the sign (Matt 24:28). Yet, eagles are normally seen in the sky, so that would not be anything remarkable. Therefore, what if God were to give the wings of eagles to something that does not normally have wings? Everyone knows the common saying of “when pigs fly”. Yet, few people realize that this is intended by God to be the actual sign of the rapture. It may be hard to believe, but this is irrefutable Bible truth, and all other claims to the rapture are false. Let me prove it to you:

In Matthew 8:32 we read about a herd of swine that perish in the sea after jumping off a cliff. Those swine would not have perished if they had been given wings. The reason that they were not given wings is clear; they were possessed with evil demons. If, however, they had been the pigs chosen by God to be the sign of the rapture, they would have been given wings and would not have perished. To show this, first we take the numbers of the verse citation; 8:32. 8 + 32 equals 40, and if we take one away from 32 (to account for the removal of the demonic possession) then we have 31. It should be no surprise that if we look at the Bible we will find the significance of this. Looking at the numbers 40 and 31, we find that in Isaiah 40:31 the prophecy is given that those who wait on the Lord (as all pigs have been doing since the beginning of creation) will be given “wings as eagles”. This should strike us all as remarkable. The possibilities of this being an accidental coincidence are zero; it is clear that God has made this beautiful prophecy known to us so that we can find the true sign of the coming of the rapture. The sign of pigs flying in the skies over the whole world.

There is a further piece of evidence that has been missed by every biblical scholar until now. In the Old Testament a pigeon was the sacrifice of a poor man. In 2 Corinthians 8:9 Jesus is said to have become “poor” for our sakes. So that proves that the pigeon is His specially chosen symbol of blessing. What does the word “pigeon” mean though? Taking the two parts of the word it becomes clear. First there is “pig” and the second part is “eon”. We all know what a pig is but did you know that the word “eon” comes from a Greek word? Well it does, and that Greek word is found in Matthew 24:3 where the Apostles ask Jesus when will be the end of the world (the word for “world” is the Greek word where we get “eon” from!). So when you combine the word “pig” with the word “eon” it is proof positive that pigs are chosen as the animal of the “eon” or the animal of the sign of the end of the world.

Thus when all the pigs on the planet Earth receive wings and fly, it will be clear that the Christians are about to receive their wings and fly away up into heaven in the rapture! When will this happen though? The answer is easy. First start with the number of days between the first day of the first millennium after Jesus was born, and count until the end of this year (734015 days). Then take the prophesied number of days given in the book of Daniel 12:12 (1335 days) and divide them (734015 divided by 1335), and you get 549 days. Next you take the previous number of days in Daniel 12:11 (1290 days) and subtract the 549 days from it (1290 minus 549) and the answer is 741. Is that not amazing!? Clearly, that means that the date of 7-4 (July 4th) at 1 (1 A.M. in Israel) is when this prophecy will come true. The similarity with July 4th being independence day and this being the actual date of the independence of Christians from this world is more than obvious. No one who is willing to accept the pure interpretation of the Word of God could possibly miss it.

Once again, NO, I am not serious in the above example. Yet, I do seriously hope that it is obvious that you can prove anything you want in the Bible if you separate yourself from the moorings of the historic faith of the Church and proceed to choose your own private interpretation. You can even prove that pigs will fly. For the record, yes, I do believe in the biblical resurrection and judgment day at the end of history, but no, I do not believe in the modern distortions of that wonderful truth. Those distortions have led numerous people away from God and caused untold harm. May our gracious Lord help those who have fallen for this error to turn away from foolish lies, and find true peace in Christ Jesus our Lord.

3 comments:

  1. Very funny, Father! And you've got a lot of imagination! (And also knowledge of the Bible).
    + PAX et BONUM

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  2. Old Harold just announced a new date. He says he miscalculated - AGAIN! This is about the 5th time. He is so wacko and people keep listening to him and sending him money. He needs to be put away.

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  3. Matthew M,

    In ancient Israel, false prophets were not allowed to say "oops"; they were just executed.

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